Reasons
by Jordaristoteles
Summary: Amajiki knew he was a hopeless, but this? Why he was still like this? Yantober. Yandere Amajiki Tamajiki. Warnings inside.


Disclaimer: Boku no hero Academia/My hero academia doesn't belong to me.

Sorry if this is difficult to read, I still learning English and I don't have a beta reader.

This is part of a Tumblr prompt called "Yantober."

Remember: This behavior is toxic, if somebody you know is saying or doing stuff like this, please try to help them.

Warnings: Yandere Amajiki Tamaki, Self-harm, Self-hatred, Self-esteem Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, Anxiety, Dependence, Unhealthy Obsession, Guilt

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Reasons

It was a quiet night, looks like most of the people in that part of the Hospital were already sleeping; it was past midnight, so it would be logical, yet Tamaki thought he was lucky he was apparently the only one being awake at this time, also that none of the nurses were there. He shouldn't be out of his bed; the doctor says he needed to rest.

"Not that I deserved it" He thought, with a bitter taste in the mount that had been impossible to replace since the mission with the Yakuzas, it didn't matter what he eats, it was always there. The student turned his head down, to see the reason why he moved from his room.

Mirio.

He was peacefully asleep, his face was really relaxed, like he was just a regular eighteen guy who didn't any issues in the world. He wished that was the reality, it wasn't.

" _This is your fault_ " It was his immediate response, hiding his face in his hands "You should be here, so close to him, he is too precious to be near you scum. You knew this already and try to at least be less trashy, and what you do? Oh yeah! Being a useless waste of space and letting him lose his quirk!"

This was the worst thing he had ever done so far.

Amajiki was aware he didn't deserve to be so close to Mirio, the golden boy was like a sun, giving him warm and light against all the shadows in his mind; he was so brave, so perfect, and yet somehow stick around him, like wasn't filthy. Of course, somebody as great as him would be noble enough to pay attention to him; to this day it was a mystery that he hasn't lost his patience and ditch him.

" _Maybe he would after this_ " The voice warns him, what makes him stop breathing, his eyes getting wider in panic " _Who would blame him? You were so stupid that you follow him here because you were selfish enough to want to be at his side, yet, you just show how pathetic you are, and how useless you can be; he may pitty you enough to not tell you now because you are injured, but not be surprised when he tells you he is tired of your incompetence_."

"N-No" He mutters, starting to shake and yet holding himself the best he could, not wanting to wake up the guy he loved; it would be the pinnacle or his pitiful self. He only could be fine at his side, he only could grasp what was happiness when he was around, even somethings, that foreign thing called security, not for knowing he would protect him-that he would do-but the other way around, that perhaps, he was stronger.

What a joke.

He starts to breath faster, like the air was getting out of his lumps against his wishes; he tries to hold his throat, in a vain hope to get what was going on in him, to stop this fear inside; soon he felt his hands getting wet from a warm liquid " _I just injured myself_ " He thought, it was like his reason was far away like those words, barely aware of the pain in his neck. Thanks to the anxiety, he must had used his quirk, with his hands know being chicken feet and the nails being sharp enough to break his skin.

The pain gets him to focus a little, it was always easier to bear the sorrow when his body was suffering too, like a way to repent, paying for his sins. He separates consciously from Toogata, being scare some of his blood would fall in him and that would awake him.

" _He doesn't like_ this" He thought, remembering how when he was younger he keeps it making little wounds in order to cope with his nerves; that always makes him sad " _I didn't keep my promise to stop._ "

" _You couldn't even maintain a promise_ " The voice in his mind responded " _You can't do even that; what a piece of shit_ "

He knew it was true, all those things he hears in his mind were; all the people around him were too nice to tell him his face, but he was sure almost all of them were waiting for him to understand he was a lost cause and step aside.

The only difference, was Mirio.

Even if that thing in his mind told Amajiki his worst nightmare, deep down he knew that would not happen. Not even once, his best friend had ever said that wishes him to go away or all the disgusting things that were true about himself; it was one of the reasons what he was so amazing; it was probably one of the few human beings who actually like him for some reason.

Mirio was the reason he could go through another day, the reason he needed to become strong and fight, the only one who could make him special. At his side, all of those horrible facts were pushed away, and that he could truly find at least, a little good inside him.

He was nothing without Mirio, just another idiot who for some reason was stupid enough to keep being alive instead of sparing humanity from his existence. He couldn't live without him, that was why he needed to be a hero, to be able to protect him even if it finally cost his life.

But he didn't this time, he keeps being useless.

He was truly a scumbag.

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Is a surprise why this couldn't be longer, I don't know why it was problematic to keep the ball of self-hate rolling, I'm usually good with this stuff.

By the way; none of this is his fault and he really needs help-at least in this piece-; but let me tell you, when you have this type of issues, you can put a lot of pressure of your shoulders for no real reason.

I think this is one of the darker pieces of this series, which is ironic because if you had read other stuff, maybe you had seen some pretty mess up shit. Yet I don't know, having somebody which this type of self-hate is pretty dark for me, maybe I relate too much.

I try it to make this yandere for how Amajiki worships Mirio; I know how yanderes tend to be all ~kill for love~ and that, but I had been thinking about different types of yanderes and aspects; this may not be the best approach, but I don't think is bad.

Also, I publish this on time; so even if I didnt put it here at the correct day, is still a win.

Okay, the next one is..."Yandere killing you and then killing himself/herself"...ok you know the drill.

See ya.


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